Guinevere's Struggle
by samantha.plummer.92
Summary: [SPOILERS!] After the events of 5X13, Gwen is devasted. She needs to deal with both her relationship with Arthur and her grief of losing him! Watch as a new arrival, Gaius and Leon try and help her heal. However, will love or something even worse intervene? I do not own Merlin! Please read and review! Sequel up!
1. Chapter 1-The New Arrival

My mind was racing. Here I was waiting for King Ayden to arrive yet I couldn't focus. It was 1 year since Camlann and like usual I couldn't get my mind of Arthur. My mind was always on Arthur…I couldn't help myself. His smile, his voice, even his smell would haunt me.

"My Lady, King Ayden's here..." Leon told me, looking at me worriedly. He had obviously noticed my inattention and was concerned.

I tried to look nonchalant, and I nodded at him but his expression didn't change at all.

The King's horse stopped and the king quickly dismounted. I left Leon's side and walked in the middle of the courtyard to greet the king.

As I was walking up to the king, I noticed his appearance. He was a muscly man who couldn't be older than mid 30's but he also had eyes which was startling shade of blue. The same shade as Arthurs. At the sight of his eyes, I couldn't help let out a gasp.

I cleared my throat, and tried to regain my composure.

"My Lord, on behalf of the whole of Camelot, I welcome you..." I greeted him. My voice sounded mechanical and inattentive but this was my 6th official visit since Arthur had happened and it reminded me of how alone I really was.

"Your Majesty. A pleasure. Let's hope this visit is fortuitous." The King told me, his eyes never leaving mine.

Although, his voice was sincere, I couldn't help but feel unnerved by him. A thought which made me want to inwardly shiver. I noticed him looking at me, waiting for my response and I realised how rude I had been.

"My Lord. If you'll just come this way, I can get a servant to settle you in." I told him, watching him nod at me.

We, along with his manservant Adam, walked into the Palace. One of my servants quickly bowed before me and King Ayden, showing him the way to his quarters. My Knights and Gaius were all out to welcome our guest and had followed in after us.

As the King left, I found Sir Leon who had been with us when we had come into the palace. He was looking at me worriedly still and even though, I tried to think I was fine his concern made me wanted to break down. At the thought of doing so, I pushed through it and reminded myself that I had a job to do. I had to be Queen and even though I was alone, I still needed to be there for Camelot.

"Leon, I don't trust King Ayden. Can you keep an eye on him, please?" I told him, cautiously in case anyone heard me.

He started at me in confusion and then his expression changed into concern- again!

"I will, My Lady. May I ask why?"

I cringed at his question. I didn't want to admit that I was probably being paranoid.

"I don't know. I have a bad feeling." I told him, earnestly.

He seemed to understand. (Or so I thought, but his next words shocked me immensely)

"Gwen, it's alright to feel apprehensive. You're still adjusting to what's happened…" He trailed off, looking at me.

His words yet again reminded me of the past. He not only alluded to Arthur but also to Merlin and his magic.


	2. Chapter 2- The Banquet

The feast was in full swing.

It was the one thing which I noticed before I got lost in my thoughts. The King seemed not to notice my inattention to him and for that, I was immensely thankful! I didn't want to talk to anyone let alone someone who I couldn't trust.

The king was talking at me again. What he was saying I have no idea but he suddenly caught my attention by someone he had said.

"..I knew your late husband, Your Majesty." He told me, earnestly.

I looked at him properly in curiosity. He looked sincere and respectful but I needed to know more.

"Indeed, My Lord?" I asked him, questioningly. Although, he hadn't done or said anything yet my tone conveyed my distrust.

He nodded at my question almost immediately.

"Yes, Arthur and I basically grew up together…" He told me.

At the sound of Arthur's name, I couldn't help but cringe. I didn't want to be reminded yet again of his absence. Every time I thought about it I ended up feeling angry at him for leaving me alone in the world and I didn't want it to ruin my memory of him.

It was now my turn to nod at him. My actions seem to fulfil his desire for attention as he turned his attention to the nobles who were near him, leaving me yet again to my thoughts.

My eyes roamed the tables. I needed something to take my mind of my thoughts. I looked to the table which the Knights of Camelot were residing on and I suddenly caught sight of Percival and Leon talking and smiling with each other.

At the sight of them, I imagined Lancelot, Gwaine and Elyan there too joining in with the merriment laughing at whatever Percival had said. My eyes quickly filled with tears making me take a deep breath.

Leon caught sight of me and smiled widely at me. There was something about Leon. Every time he smiled (recently), I would feel almost compelled to return it. I gave him a smile, a slightly tear-stained one at that.

Although, I was smiling my heart felt like it was breaking. I was here, in one of the busiest places in Camelot yet I had never felt so alone. I needed to get to out of there, if only to stop me breaking down.

"My Lord, if you'll excuse me..." I told the King.

I knew I sounded like I was pleading but I couldn't help it!

The King quickly turned his attention to me with a concerned look, and nodded.

He quickly said: "Good night, Your Majesty. I look forward to our talks tomorrow...?"

I simply nodded at him. I didn't want to talk to him. I needed to get away from him. From the hall. From everything.

I quickly exited the hall, not wanting to see the looks of disproval I would get from the elders of court.


	3. Chapter 3- The Dream

I don't want to be surrounded by the memories and feelings about Arthur but I don't have the choice. Camelot needs me.

Everywhere I looked there was something which was so closely linked to HIM.

"My Lady…Are you alright? I saw you leave the feast!" Leon had followed me that was certain.

His concern which laced his tone and his facial expression filled me with not happiness or joy but a feeling almost like warmth. The feeling seemed odd almost as if I shouldn't be feeling it, and it made me feel guilty.

I tried to show Leon that I was fine by smiling but he seemed to see through it.

"I'm fine, Leon." Although, I told him this I was also aware that the tone of my voice conveyed the exact opposite!

He looked at me more closely, his disbelief and concern still visible. By his looks, I knew he didn't believe me.

"If you say so, My Lady, but please I am always here for you…" He told me.

I simply nodded at him. I was grateful but I didn't want to admit it to him. That would mean admitting that I wasn't coping.

"If you'll just excuse me, Leon. I would like to retire.." I told him, I wanted to be on my own away from people seeing me.

A few hours later

I had finally dropped off to sleep. Recently, sleep was comforting to me. If only for a few hours, I was able to escape from the loneliness and hurt I was feeling towards Arthur. Little did I know that only a short while later that Haven would be ruined.

HER DREAM

"My Love. Guinevere…." I recognised the voice with a start. It was Arthur's. I couldn't see him but rather I could hear his voice. I was in a corridor, I would have known straight away as it was in Camelot.

His voice sounded exactly like it had done when he was alive and I couldn't help but wonder whether my imagination was bringing him in my dream as a way for me to cope.

...I miss you." I lapped up his words and before I knew it he stopped talking. The absence of his voice was so shocking and immense that I felt all of the warmth go out of my body and my eyes cloud over with tears.

My dream abruptly ended with me looking down the corridor unable to move. I briskly woke looking about the bedchamber. It was almost like I was expecting Arthur to be there, when he wasn't I laid back and pondered about my dream.


	4. Chapter 4- Gaius

My dream had shaken me. I had often wondered how Morgana used to be so terrified of her dreams, as she must have known it was a dream yet I still sympathized with her. Now, I knew why she had reacted to her dreams like that.

My dream had seemed so real and vivid that it terrified me. In my dream, the sound of Arthur's voice was so crisp, clear and so full of life that when I woke up I searched for him. The feeling of disappointment and anger when I realized he wasn't there, I knew would haunt me for the rest of my life.

It was hours later since then and I still couldn't sleep. My mind wouldn't switch off; I tried to think about something else. Anything. Even King Ayden!

2 hours later

I was on my way to Gaius', I had finally given up my mediocre attempt at trying to sleep and I needed to do something to stop myself from thinking about my dream.

I could hear footstep as I approached Gaius' door and my mind travelled back to a time when everything was different. In my mind, I could see Merlin helping Gaius with a potion looking relaxed and happy. Before I knew it, my reverie was broken by Gaius calling out to see who was there.

I stepped through the door, whilst calling out to him.

"It is me, Guinevere…" I told him quietly. I knew I sounded shaken and upset but I didn't know how to disguise it.

At the sound of my voice, he sharply turned and looked at me. He took in my appearance and he looked worried.

As he tried to mask his worry, he bowed to me. I winced as he did this, and Gaius immediately asked me what was wrong.

"Your Majesty, Is something the matter?" He asked me, his tone was similar to Leon's yet in his voice I could sense something else. Fear? Or perhaps, it was unhappiness?

"Nothing's wrong, Gaius." I told him.

He, too like Leon, looked disbelievingly at me.

At his look, I knew I would have to elaborate on why I was here at such a time.

"I couldn't sleep..." I told him, trailing off realizing that by revealing my dream it would make me seem like a lunatic.

He nodded at me, and it reminded me of a time when he would do such a thing to Morgana when she couldn't sleep and it comforted me. I decided to ask him about Ayden…

"Gaius, what do you know about King Ayden? He told me he was friends with Arthur and I'm curious." I told him, waiting for his reaction.


	5. Chapter 5-Gaius' advice

Gaius was looking at me with fondness and concern in his eyes. I had seen it many times when he was looking at Merlin. For some reason, it hurt for him to look like that at me.

"Well, King Ayden did know Arthur when they were young…" He told me, sounding sincere.

Although, Gaius wasn't acting unusual like he had done in the past, I knew he wasn't telling me something. The need for him to tell me the truth was so over powering that I tried to make him tell me.

"And….?" My voice sounded harsh almost cold. I couldn't help but notice how similar it was to Morgana's.

The thought chilled me to the bone. Gaius seemed to notice how I had become and tried to reassure me of myself.

"My dear, I do realize how hard this time has been what with Arthur's passing as well as Merlin leaving but you are a brilliant queen. Arthur wouldn't want you to doubt yourself because King Ayden's arrival…" His eyes, his face and even his body language conveyed the sincerity of what he was saying.

Here was the man who had treated me when I was a child, looked after both myself and Morgana when the Dragon attacked and most importantly, helped me with my feelings for Arthur. He was such an honest person! (Well, apart from Magic.)

I needed to believe him, not just for myself but also Camelot. I listened to what he said next and tried to show that I had listened.

"….Your Majesty, You are not alone. You have myself, Sir Percival and of course, Sir Leon." Gaius was trying to make sure that I didn't feel alone. At this, I felt guilty. Should have I been more honest?

I nodded at him, trying to smile at him to show that I was feeling better.

Of course, it wasn't a total lie but I also couldn't say he had taken away my feeling of uneasiness about King Ayden.

"Thank you, Gaius. I will retire now. I will see you in the morning." I told him. I needed time to think, there were so many thoughts and feelings inside that I was afraid that I would burst.

He seemed to know why I wanted to go to my chamber, and he nodded.

I walked quickly out of Gaius' and I couldn't help but think about what he said. I had to agree that I wasn't alone entirely; I just couldn't help but feel it! I had Gaius, Percival and Leon.

In the days that passed Camlann, Gaius and Percival were brilliant. They tried to make sure that, although I was grieving, I could still be Queen. They made my life tolerable.

But Leon was different. At one point, he was the person who made my days go from absolute torture to almost normality. He still does.

After Camlann and Merlin had left me, He became my best friend. Someone who I could rely on, always.

In a way, he had replaced Merlin in my affections but in a different way. When I had become friends with Merlin, I was healthy and happy yet when Leon become my Best friend I was falling into an abyss one which I couldn't help but feel unable to pull myself out of!

Before King Ayden's arrival, things were getting better. Well- Slightly.


	6. Chapter 6- King Ayden and hurting Leon

I was waiting for King Ayden to arrive for our talk. He was late. I didn't want him to be!

No matter how much I disliked and distrust him, his absence gave me time to think and ponder about Arthur and the hole in my life his death had caused.

I was so entrapped by my thoughts and feelings that I didn't notice his arrival. He had to clear his throat to get my attention.

As I looked up in his direction, I felt myself blush in embarrassment.

"Your Majesty, I hope to find you well this morning." He told me, smiling.

His smile conveyed warmth but I didn't want to return it. I looked around to the people in the room and I saw the knights and the elders looking back at me. By that point, I knew that I had no choice but to smile at him. So I did but I really didn't have any choice.

My smile must have looked forced as Leon looked at me with concern.

I smiled at him with ease and turned my attention back to King Ayden.

I nodded at him in response to enquiry into how I was. I offered him a seat next to me and it wasn't long after he had sat down, that our meeting was in motion.

1 hour later

The meeting had ended not long ago, and I was walking in the grounds. My mind wandered back to King Ayden and I tried to decipher why I felt the way I did about him.

I mean, he hadn't done anything to me or Camelot yet every time I saw him it immediately put me on edge. He seemed perfectly nice, even Leon thought so. I had no reason to dislike but I just couldn't bring myself to trust him! Was I right not to trust him? I don't really know any more.

My confusion was making me want to scream.

"My Lady?" It was Leon. He had obviously noticed me when he was on his way to training and had approached me.

I turned around at the voice and I tried not to look annoyed or upset!

"Yes, Leon?" I asked him.

He seemed to understand that I was trying to look fine as he was looking at me worriedly. This action annoyed me even more if it was possible.

He took a deep breath and he asked me a question, I was dreading.

"Are you alright?" He asked me, his grey eyes searching for mine.

His question broke my calm. All of a sudden, I was losing my temper with someone who I care about!

"Will you stop asking me that!? I am the queen. I am not your friend! I have lost the one person I really trusted….Do you really think I will ever be alright!?" I bellowed at him.

The minute I had said it, I knew I had gone too far. Leon looked like a puppy that had been kicked. The crestfallen look on his handsome face tugged at my conscience.

He turned to leave and I knew I had to repair what damage I had done to our friendship.

I quickly grabbed his arm, and let my hand rest there. I looked into his grey eyes and I tried to ignore his hurt expression.

"Leon, I'm sorry. You are my friend. You know that, right?" I told him, sincerely.

Leon's expression changed into happiness and I felt guilty that I had hurt him.

"Of course I do, Guinevere. You've been my friend the minute I met you. You'll always be my friend." He told, sincerely.

At his reply, I couldn't help but give a sheepish grin.

He smiled at me, and I realised that I hadn't removed my arm. I am sure I blushed in embarrassment as I quickly removed my hand.


	7. Chapter 7- King Ayden's mistake

What had happened was still bothering me. I felt guilty for not only hurting him but that I took my unhappiness out on him!

I couldn't sleep as every time I closed my eyes I saw the look on Leon's face after I had shouted at him. Even if that were bad enough, I couldn't stop thinking about how normal it felt to have left my hand on his arm...

I decided to go for a walk one which I could use to clear my head and calm down. What I didn't expect was to meet King Ayden.

He was walking towards me. He obviously had the same problem as I had as he had dark circles under his eyes indicating that he hadn't been sleeping. For a moment, I couldn't help but pity him.

"Your Majesty…" He acknowledged me, whilst standing in front of me.

"King Ayden!" I greeted him with. I was wondering what on earth would he talk to me about at such a time and I quickly found out.

"Guinevere…" He started saying, and I instantly felt angry at him for being so intimate as to use my name but I was so curious, I let him continue... "I saw what happened with yourself and Sir Leon. I was wondering, are you alright? Knights should show their sovereigns the highest level of respect."

I needed to say something. King Ayden had, obviously, thought that Sir Leon had disrespected me. I instantly began to even more guilty over the incident.

"King Ayden, Leon didn't say or do anything to disrespect me. All of my knights (which my husband trained) are respectful, loyal, humble and most importantly, they know their duty. Luckily, Leon is all of those things. Although, I have no idea as to why I am telling you all of this!" I told him, angrily.

For some reason, I desperately felt the need to defend Leon's character to King Ayden. In my haste to do so, I began realise that I hadn't referred to Leon as "Sir". Of course, I knew King Ayden had noticed as his eyebrows rose at Leon's name.

"Forgive me, My Lady. I must retire." He told me, leaving me behind in the corridor.

When he left the corridor, I began to think over his parting words. He unsettled me even more than before. Earlier with Leon, I hadn't realised anyone were there and I don't think Leon did either.


	8. Chapter 8- Ignoring Leon

**Firstly, I would like to thank those who have been reviewing, it is much appreciated. Please keep doing so! Just a reminder: I don't own merlin!**

In the following weeks, I tried to ignore King Ayden as much as possible. However, I couldn't. Everywhere I went he seemed to be, whether it be in the gardens or in the great hall.

In the end, I decided to ignore Leon. I knew that Leon would know that I was ignoring him but I couldn't risk King Ayden misconstruing another conversation. Even though I was queen, I didn't want rumours about Leon and I to surface. It was the last thing I needed.

Everything was going to plan up to now! I hadn't spoken to Leon anywhere apart from when he gave me a weekly update about the Camelot patrol, and I must admit, that my heart was racing the entire time.

But now, he was walking towards me with a determined look on his face. At the expression on his face, I knew that he was determined to know what was going on. I glanced round to see if I could see anyone but no-one was there. Although, I should have been relieved but I still felt uneasy.

He stopped in front of me, and bowed. He cleared his throat and began talking.

"My Lady…" His voice cracked with emotion, and I felt awful but I knew I would have to tell him about King Ayden. If only to save our friendship!

"….What is going on?"

Leon looked awful, and I instantly knew it was my fault. He had big bags under his eyes from lack of sleep and his normal curly hair had turned into something which resembled a bush. But the worst was his eyes- they looked devoid of all emotion.

I knew that I was stalling but I didn't know where to start. The encounter with King Ayden was bizarre but putting it into words was different.

"I suppose you want an explanation as to why I have been avoiding you?" I asked him, I wanted to make sure I wasn't landing myself in it.

He nodded at me, intently.

"Well, about 2 weeks ago. Do you remember when I shouted at you? King Ayden saw it but he didn't hear what was said. He misunderstood what was going on…" I told him. I waited for him to grasp what I was saying.

As the words I was saying was understood, Leon began to blush. At his blush, I knew he thought that King Ayden had believed we were having a lovers tiff. At the thought, I began to blush, too.

"It wasn't like that! He believed you were being disrespectful to me." I told him.

His blush slowly disappeared at my words and I couldn't help but feel slightly disappointed that it had.

Instead, Leon had a confused expression on his face.

"Well, why have you been ignoring me, then?" He asked me, earnestly.

I knew that my actions had hurt him but I didn't realise until now how much he valued our friendship and I felt oddly comforted.

"I didn't want you to get in trouble with him. I know, you think King Ayden isn't evil or anything but I don't trust him or like him." I explained to him.

**A/N: Here is chapter 8. Hope you like it! Please Read and Review! **


	9. Chapter 9- Mithian and Guinevere

**In this chapter, an old face will be returning to help Guinevere. I am not too sure about this as this chapter is pivotal for Guinevere in her grieving process. Once again, I DO NOT own Merlin!**

After ignoring Leon, I had expected our friendship to be at least strained but to relief, it wasn't. Leon had made sure of it. Every time I saw Leon in the days that passed, he would try to make our friendship like it had been by asking how I was and even on my better days, teasing me.

King Ayden was still here. Apparently, he still wanted to strengthen the relations between his country and Camelot. Although, the people around me, (Well- mainly, Gaius and the Knights) believed him, I didn't. Well…I couldn't!

The feeling of distrust I felt for him kept intensifying and I couldn't shake the feeling that he wasn't who he was or that he was up to something. Whenever I had mentioned this, everyone attributed my distrust to either paranoia or Morgana. They said that after everything with Morgana had made me extra cautious. I didn't have anything to say to that, because I was.

I didn't have a choice. When you're leader of a country, you need to be.

Today was a special day! Princess Mithian's coming. After her incident with Morgana, she and I had become fast friends and if I'm honest, I enjoyed the female company. Of course, Arthur had been happy for me as he knew how lonely being the queen could be….

Her support when Arthur had died helped me to keep going and it had cemented our friendship.

Although, I was looking forward to her coming, I also don't want to lie to her. I don't want to pretend to be fine. If anything, I want to breakdown and not stop but I can't!

My musings was broken by my maid, Anna, announcing her arrival and for the first time in weeks I felt absolutely happy.

"Alright, Anna. I'm coming. "I told her, smoothing down my dress in anticipation.

As I was walking towards the entrance of the palace, I suddenly felt impossibly sad. It still felt odd to be welcoming someone to Camelot without Arthur. If I'm being perfectly honest, it just felt wrong!

All my knights, Gaius, and King Ayden were out in force to welcome her. I couldn't help but smile when I saw Leon standing next to King Ayden. Leon was listening to King Ayden talking to him and it was obvious he was being bored to death!

As soon as Leon saw my smile, he returned it! Unfortunately, his action had caused King Ayden to notice my presence.

"Your Majesty. How are you, today?" He asked, whilst bowing.

Like normal, I tolerated his questions after my health and happiness and like usual I said I was fine.

Only a few minutes later, Mithian rode up to where I was standing.

Half an hour later

Mithian hadn't changed since I had seen her a couple of months ago. She still looked like a perfect princess what with her long flowing hair and I knew she would make a perfect queen.

"How are you, Gwen?" She asked me, as soon as we were alone.

We were sitting across from each other in my bedchamber around the table and I could see that she was worried and concerned. I knew then that I had to tell her the truth. So, I did.

"Er, I don't know. If I'm really honest, some days, I can almost feel as if all's normal but then I remember why I was so heartbroken in the first place. Everywhere I go I see and think of Arthur and even if I don't, I feel guilty. When he died, I didn't just lose my husband but my soul mate, my king, everything..." I knew I was becoming upset as my eyes were filling up with tears but all the emotion I had hid was coming out!

Mithian didn't try and stop me from telling her anything but rather encouraged me to keep talking as she was nodding to me. She obviously thought that I needed to let it all out of my system.

"….I can't be the queen Camelot deserves. I was never supposed to be queen!" I practically shouted at her.

At this point, Mithian had interrupted me. She obviously didn't agree with me as she was frowning deeply and she looked determined.

"Guinevere, of course you were supposed to be queen. When Arthur told me about you being the daughter of a blacksmith, I must admit that I was sceptical but from the moment I met you I knew you were a brilliant queen!" She told me, earnestly.

I simply nodded at her. Although, I didn't fully believe her I also didn't want to annoy her.

"Okay."

Mithian quickly changed the subject as she could sense my discomfort and for that, I was glad.

"How's your friendship with Leon?" She asked me, with a gleam in her eyes that I couldn't quite make out.

I didn't want to full her gossip or curiosity but I needed to say something.

"Alright." I told her. I had tried to make my voice sound passive but there was an edge to it.

"Take care, Gwen." Which was all she said but I knew that she thought that Leon and I had something going on.

"Why? Nothing's going on." I told her. I needed to.

Although, she nodded at me, I still knew she thought something.

"There doesn't need to be but you have lost your husband and everything but Leon did lose his leader, his best friend and his king. He needs you just as much as you need him!" She told me.

**A/N: Sorry, this chapter is so long. I hope you enjoyed this! This chapter was supposed to be me showing that Guinevere is trying to "help" herself get back to normal. Please review!**


	10. Chapter 10-Guinevere's Flashback

**Chapter 10- Thanks for all the reviews! I will be trying to get a little bit more Arthur in here so Guinevere goes on a really journey and this is my attempt at doing so. I also really appreciate all the support and feedback!**

Mithian had only stayed a couple of days but in that time I felt happier. Of course, it didn't mean that I still wasn't haunted by the memories of Arthur and our time together. I couldn't control when I would be engrossed in a flashback of us being together and, although, immensely painful it made Arthur seem alive. Something I would have given anything to have.

I knew that I should be paying attention to Geoffrey but every time I tried I got so entrapped in a memory in a memory that I wasn't much use to anyone!

All my memories seemed to be ones from when Arthur and I were courting secretly, and I wondered why. Perhaps it was because it was when we were first falling in love. I remember it so clearly.

_**FLASHBACK**_

_I had tripped over, it was my fault really. And the poor suspecting boy (who couldn't of been older than Morgana and I) was drenched. The boy's blonde hair was completely flattened and his blood red shirt was also soaking. At the sight of him, I felt awful, and I knew I had to apologize!_

"_Oh, I am so sorry. I must have lost my footing. Are you alright? I can always get something to-"I was aware I was rambling but I didn't expect to cut of mid-sentence. _

_Although, I had expected the boy to be angry at me for drenching him in water, he didn't seem to be at all. In fact, he seemed quite amused by it as he had a cheeky grin on his face. _

"_It's fine. It's only water. I've never seen you at the palace before. Are you new?" He asked me, his light blue eyes twinkling in merriment. _

_I nodded that I was, and that it was only my second day! I also told him how sorry I was again. _

"_Don't be. "He repeated to me. _

_As he noticed that the Sir Pellinor had gone passed, the boy's demeanour changed. He seemed nervous. _

"_I'd better be going. I'm late!" He told me, whilst walking away. _

_I nodded at him, and waved. As I turned to go, he swivelled around introducing himself._

"_By the way, it's Arthur..."He told me, turning again. _

_At his name, I consciously gulped. I knew I must be talking to the prince and I had just soaked him! I had known who he was since I was little but he must be at least 16 and he had changed a lot! _

_Arthur- as he told me- before leaving remembered he didn't know my name asked. _

"_And you are?" _

_I blushed, although, why I did so I have no idea. _

"_My name's Gwen. Well- Guinevere." I told him. _

_It was his turn to nod at me, and he gave me another cheeky grin which I could help but think was cute. _

"_Well….Guinevere. I'll see you around" He told me, finally leaving. _

I can't help but laugh at how Arthur and I were. Little did we both know that we would fall so deeply for each other. I can't help sad at the memory too. I mean, Arthur was so cheeky and lovable when he was a teenager and even as 20- something King but he never changed for me. He just grew into his role more.

**A/N: Sorry, folks! No Leon in this chapter! There will be some next time. Don't worry. Remember to Review! **


	11. Chapter 11- Guinevere's Confession

**A/N: In this chapter, something will happen to Guinevere. Will she be alright? **

My flashbacks and dreams about Arthur weren't abating. If anything, they were getting worse. I'd have a dream every night and I was having trouble sleeping. Seeing Arthur wasn't a bad thing as I miss him so much but I was terrified, it would stop or that I'd become accustomed to seeing him. Every time I was woken up or I remembered Arthur's death, I felt my heart break.

After the meeting had finished this morning with King Ayden, I had wondered out to the garden. It was the one place which I enjoyed being in. The palace itself was littered with memories, and it was inevitable that I wouldn't think of him and I didn't want to be reminded about Arthur for once.

I had been sitting on the seat, which over looked the roses, for an hour and I knew that I needed to go back to the castle as Anna would be worried. However, when I got up from the seat my eyesight began to blur and I instantly felt lightheaded. I attempted to sit back down but before I knew it, I had missed the seat and I began to fall backwards.

As I was engulfed by darkness, I failed to see the three figures rushing to my aid.

10 minutes later

"My Lady, are you alright? …" I heard the voice ask and I instantly recognised it. The voice was Leon's. He sounded worried and I felt guilty.

However, I didn't want to want to wake up fully as the darkness which consumed me was slightly comforting and I didn't want to give it up! Being half unconscious meant I didn't need to deal with Arthur and what his death had caused me.

I could feel the touch of a hand on my forehead and I knew it was Gaius.

Yet, when I heard a second voice which was King Ayden's, I decided that I had to wake up.

I forced my eye lids open and I tried to sit up. Gaius was on hand, and demanded that I laid back and rested. Leon and King Ayden were at the foot of my bed, both looking worried. I tried not to look at King Ayden as it would give him ammunition to talk to me, and I didn't have it in me to be civil.

Leon, however, I knew I couldn't ignore again. As his worried expression bore in to me, I felt guilty. I knew why I had fainted and it was my fault. I tried to give him a little smile.

"Your Majesty, can you tell me what happened?" Gaius asked me, and I turned my attention to him.

When I did, I couldn't help notice that Gaius looked tired and worried. In that moment, I knew that everything which had happened over the past year had affected him too!

"Er, do you mind if you and I talk alone!?" I asked him, and he immediately nodded.

Although, Leon didn't seem put out or upset by my request as he gave nodded at me and Gaius, King Ayden did! He looked angry and he was reluctant to leave me with Gaius. I couldn't help let out a sigh of relief when he did.

"I was sitting on a seat in the garden and when I stood up, I felt light headed and faint. I tried to sit back down but I must fallen over or missed the seat…" I told him trailing off.

He was nodding at me again but this time, he knew I was not telling him everything. I knew that I had to tell him about everything.

"Do you know why you felt faint?" He asked me.

It was my turn to nod, and I did so.

"I haven't eaten today. I missed breakfast, and I forgot about Lunch. My appetite has not been very big lately. I haven't been sleeping very well either." I told him.

At my confession, Gaius let out a sigh. It sounded so full of weariness and tiredness that I couldn't help but feel angry at Merlin for leaving him.

"Gwen, you can't afford to not look after yourself. You're the Queen of Camelot!" He told me, angrily. I had never seen him like it before I instantly nodded at his words.

Although, Gaius saw my nod, he still seemed sceptical that I would look after myself and he seemed to want more information.

"Why haven't you been sleeping well..?" He asked me, and I knew that no matter what I said, I would see him pity me. And I didn't want that!

"I keep dreaming of him…." I told him, quietly. Almost inaudibly.

At the mention of "him", Gaius didn't need me to elaborate and for that, I was thankful.

"Gwen….it's normal. It's part of the grieving process," He told me. I saw the pity I was expecting and it made me feel angry.

"I know it is but I don't want to see and be reminded of him every night. It hurts too much…" My anger was quickly turning into despair and I couldn't help the tears which had sprung to my eyes, "…Every time I have a flashback, dream, memory, I am reminded of how I felt about him. How I still feel about him. It's killing me!"

The tears in my eyes, were now lashing against my cheeks and I was slowly breaking down.

Gaius gathered me up in his arms and hugged me for a while, until we were interrupted by Leon coming back into the room.

At the sight of me crying in Gaius' arms, I could see Leon stop in his tracks and his expression had instantly turned into worry and pity.

I broke away from Gaius, and he seemed to need to see another patient and left us alone.

Although, it had become tense, Leon seemed to know that it was Arthur who I was upset about. That always was about Arthur.

After Gaius had left, Leon took his place on my bed and hugged me. I quickly became comfortable in his embrace and felt more comforted than I had been by Gaius which confused me greatly.

We stayed in the embrace for a while, before I broke off, and began to talk to him.

**A/N: Here it is, guys. Although, there's not too much Leon in here, I felt that Guinevere needs to deal with everything and then Leon can feature more! Please Review!**


	12. Chapter 12- Leon and Guinevere's talk

**A/N: This chapter will show Leon's character more. I hope you like it!**

Our conversation had stilled, and we had fallen into a companionable silence. One which I didn't really want to break as it was both comfortable and comforting.

As I looked around Gaius', memories of Merlin hit me and I couldn't help but giggle as I remembered how I kissed Merlin when he had come back from the dead and how he had reacted. He was so shocked!

I tried to stifle my giggle but Leon had noticed it and looked at me amused and slightly curious.

"I was remembering something..." I told him, smiling.

Leon looked even more curious and I knew that I would have to tell him. If only, for him not to think I was going insane.

"I remembered when I kissed Merlin!" I told him, my smile dropping from my face but a blush creeping on it instead.

"Really…?" Leon, asked me. Although, his tone conveyed his surprise and amusement, there was also something else in his tone that I had never heard before.

I nodded at him, and I started to tell him how it happened. However, I knew that he didn't need to know all of what happened as I didn't want to embarrass myself.

"I thought he was dead. I was happy he wasn't." I told him, elaborating.

Leon looked sceptical and I knew that he wanted to know more.

"I miss Merlin. I think I could have dealt with Arthur's death more if he was still here…" Leon admitted to me. He looked scared as if he had upset me but I wasn't.

If anything his honesty had opened a door for me. I knew that I could talk about Arthur and Merlin which felt like all the weight had been lifted off my shoulders.

"I do, too…" I admitted to him, "…but I don't know if I would hate or blame him for not being able to save Arthur."

I did miss Merlin but the thought that I would hate him for his actions in Arthur's death, terrified me. It would ruin our friendship forever and I didn't want that to happen.

Leon looked at me with pity, his eyes clouding over as if he was too remembering something.

As the look on his face past, I put my hand on his to comfort him as Leon's face looked full of sadness and hurt.

At his look, I remembered Mithian's words to me about Leon and at that moment I felt guilty that I had been so obsessed with my own hurt!

"You know you can always talk to me and I am always here…" I told him, and I knew that I was echoing Leon's words but I knew he needed to hear it from me.

Leon smiled at me, and I could see his relief.

"Only if you do the same to me…" He told me, sincerely.

At his words, I didn't feel as uncomfortable as I had thought I would and I decided that I would talk to him.

Leon's next words shocked me greatly as he asked me about King Ayden. I had believed that King Ayden had fooled him and Gaius but perhaps not!

"Has King Ayden done something to you or said something?" He asked me. His tone seemed normal but there was a hint of anger in his voice which I wasn't expecting.

I couldn't defend my feelings about King Ayden but they were so strong, I felt like I needed to.

"Well- He hasn't done anything and I've kind of been ignoring him since he asked me about you. The only reason I disliked him when he was talking to me was because he was impertinent!" I told him, seriously.

I knew that him calling me by my name wasn't a crime but it felt wrong to be addressed so informally.

Leon's eyes narrowed at this, and it wasn't long before he asked me how he was.

"He called me 'Guinevere'. I knew that I shouldn't be bothered but it felt like he was disrespecting me by not addressing me by my title." I told him.

**A/N: What is Leon going to say? How is he going to react? Please Review!**


	13. Chapter 13- Guinevere's breakthrough

**A/N: I didn't particularly want to go in to Leon's reaction to Gwen telling him about King Ayden so I thought I would try and move the story along! In this chapter, Guinevere will have to act like a queen again….Anyway; I hope you enjoy this chapter. I don't own Merlin!**

After the incident of me fainting, Life in Camelot went back to normality. Well- to a certain extent. I still didn't feel like I was coping, but now I knew that I had Gaius and Leon to whom I could talk to.

Although, life in Camelot was peaceful, there were events surrounding us which were not. King Lot and King Dagr (who was Cenred's nephew) were quarrelling and there was talk of war. Apparently, King Dagr had been deliberately impertinent to the king which started off the quarrel. Since King Lot and Dagr's kingdoms border Camelot, war would cause problems for us and I couldn't help but feel slightly overwhelmed at the prospect of trying to sort out the problems.

We (The knights, King Ayden and I) were sitting around the round table trying to decide what to do about the two kingdoms. My hatred for King Ayden was magnified as he had taken the seat to my right which Arthur had sat in and by him sitting there; it reminded me of Arthur's absence. I felt a physical pain of losing Arthur all over again as my eyes filled with tears. I quickly tried to pull myself together. Camelot needed me, more than ever, especially, with the threat of the war. This didn't take the pain I was feeling away entirely but it was replaced with a different feeling. One which I hadn't felt for a lot time: Determination!

Although, recently I had tried to not intervene in whatever the elders believed best for Camelot as I only seemed to be able to focus upon the pain of losing Arthur, this was the first time where I knew that I had to as the knights around the table were determined not to do anything.

"Surely, you can sort out a treaty of some sort so as to protect yourselves from being dragged into the war? You need to something." King Ayden told the table.

Even though, I utterly despised him I needed to admit that he was right. Unfortunately, not a lot of the knights agreed. Well….apart from two: Leon and Percival.

They had realised that if the knights were forced into the war between the two Kingdoms, that the risk of doing so was great. They had lost many of their friends and fellow knights fighting Morgana and I could sense their uneasiness at fighting in someone else's war.

I knew I had to speak up and try and persuade the rest of the knights.

"King Ayden is right…"My voice shook at the words, and even Leon who was sitting next to me looked surprised.

"…if we don't do anything, the war will cause numerous problems for us. Those of you who think that we won't be forced to pick a side, is wrong. Either Lot or Dagr will ask us for help! In refusing or helping one, we are alienating the other. Even if they don't force us in to the war, our trade and supplies will be interrupted. Who would be comfortable harming the people of Camelot's trade? I for one, I would not. I do not want Camelot harmed if it can be prevented. We need to make a treaty stating that we are neutral as a way of preventing it!" I told the men at the round table. As I got more passionate, I was getting more certain that what I was saying was right.

As I looked at the shocked faces on the table, I realised that I hadn't be so vocal in over a year.

For the first time, since Arthur's death I felt like a queen. I tried not to focus upon King Ayden's smirk but I couldn't help it as his handsome face had a slightly evil look upon it. I shivered at the look of it and quickly swivelled around to look at Leon.

Leon, however, looked at me with pride, happiness and I instantly smiled at him. I knew that he had faith in me and the reason I did now was entirely because of him. Even though, other people had attempted to try and help me feel like I deserved to be queen, Leon was the only one which had made any difference. Why it had I don't really know. Leon had stayed with me through everything and the look he was giving me, made me feel happy.

Although, the whole way through the speech I had wished that Arthur was here backing me up and sitting next to me, I finally felt comfortable in the belief that I was a queen which Camelot needed and deserved.

At first, after Arthur's death I saw being the queen as a burden. Something which I couldn't do properly, as I wasn't worthy since the only reason I was queen was because of Arthur but because he had died, I didn't have any reason to be queen.

But now, it was different. I knew that I could help keep Arthur's legacy going whilst trying to heal the pain I was feeling about him.

**A/N: Okay, here is chapter 13. I hope you don't mind that I've tried to make Guinevere slightly happier. Although, there will still be quite a lot of unhappiness and hurt. Next time, I will try and include Percival! Please review. **


	14. Chapter 14- King AydenGuinevere's guilt

**A/N: Here is Chapter 14. I hope you like it. Please Review! I don't know if you like it, if you don't. I don't own Merlin. **

It was the day after the meeting, and I was on my way to Gaius'. Although, I felt happy and comfortable about being queen my feelings about Arthur and his death was still upsetting me. Over the past few months, I had become so obsessed about how I was feeling and what I was feeling that I had forgotten about how the people around me were feeling. Mainly, Percival, Gaius and of course, Leon and I felt awful for being so selfish.

By visiting Gaius, I could help him as I knew he was lonely since Merlin had left and with any luck, it could help me, too.

I was well on my way to Gaius' when I spotted King Ayden coming towards me. After I had realised how close I was to Gaius' chambers, I surmised that King Ayden must have been there!

He seemed to walk to talk to me, as he stopped walking right in front of me.

"My Lady." He said, in greeting. His tone was, as usual, polite but I couldn't help dislike it. Why I did, I couldn't say.

I knew that I had to do more than greet him, as people were starting to notice my cold civility and Camelot didn't need to go war over my rudeness.

"King Ayden…" I nodded my head, in greeting.

Although, King Ayden didn't look unwell or ailing, a spark of hope flickered in me. I don't want to him to be ill so much but rather the thought of him actually leaving Camelot because of it.

I decided I would ask if he was alright, as I was curious and I naively didn't think he would read anything into it.

"Are you alright, King Ayden? You've been to Gaius'?" I asked me, formally. Even though, I was asking if he was well I didn't want my voice to show how I disliked him but rather that I was obligated to do so.

At my question, King Ayden's attention seemed to be caught. He smiled at me, which I couldn't help notice looked more like a grimace. Whether the change in his looks, was due to my dislike and distrust of him, I don't know but the people around didn't notice anything at all.

"I'm not ill, Guinevere." He told me. The use of my name again sparked fury in me, as it was an intimacy which I hadn't allowed nor wanted.

I tried to quell my anger as I knew that if I didn't, I would end up snapping at him. And, the thought of war was still abhorrent to me.

"Why were you at Gaius', then?" I asked him, placidly. I was amazed at how calmly I had asked the question but the alternative of causing war by being rude was a definite deterrent.

At my question, King Ayden immediately began to answer flippantly.

"I was accompanying Sir Leon to Gaius' ", He told him.

Although, the flippantness of his answer annoyed me, the worry which engulfed me when he mentioned Leon's name, made King Ayden seem unimportant.

I hadn't felt as worried in a long time, and I could feel tears fill my eyes and I was vaguely aware that King Ayden was talking to me again. What about, I don't know.

"Are YOU alright, Guinevere? You need a husband, you cannot do this alone." He told me, and my attention was yet again focused upon him. King Ayden's tone was how he normally spoke but the glint in his eyes, made the implication obvious. He wanted to marry me!

Due to not listening before this sentence, I didn't know what he had said before it but I knew that no matter how he had set this up or what he said , it wouldn't of been able to make the disgust and disbelief I was feeling go away.

Although, I agreed with him that I needed a husband, to who that was would definitely be different. My heart screamed Arthur, as if it was trying to remind me who my husband was and who I belonged to.

I suddenly began to feel anger at what he had said, as he had yet again reminded me of the absence which Arthur had left.

"King Ayden, I may be the queen but I DO NOT need a husband. I can run this kingdom and I will do it to the best of my ability." I told him. The tone of my voice sounded harsh but I knew that I needed to be firm.

In my answer, I didn't mention how much I disliked him as I thought that it was slightly unfair.

I desperately wanted to go and see Leon and see if he was alright, and my impatience was growing.

"If you will excuse me! I must be going" I told him, walking past him not waiting for his answer.

As I entered Gaius', my head was full of what King Ayden I said but the minute I saw Gaius fussing for another bandage, my worry took over.

I saw Leon who was sitting on a bed…he was shirtless and he had a gash to his upper arm which was bandaged but there were still drops of blood seeping through.

I couldn't help but look at his chest which seemed to catch the sun coming through the window making it seem to be smooth, even though it was covered in hair, and I felt myself blush.

His chest looked different to Arthurs', and I couldn't help but feel guilty at even looking.

Abruptly, I quickly turned away, and cleared my throat.

The two men obviously hadn't noticed my arrival for that I was glad as it meant they hadn't noticed my staring.

**A/N: Here is chapter 14! I hope you enjoyed this. Sorry there's not a lot of Leon..**


	15. Chapter 15- Leon's Injury

**A/N: Here is Chapter 15. Just to make things clear, King Ayden is in Camelot because he wants to improve relations between Camelot and his Kingdom. I needed him to be in Camelot for a while for the story to develop! **

Gaius and Leon quickly looked towards me, and their surprise was evident. Whilst Gaius looked happy at my impromptu visit, Leon looked slightly embarrassed as he was blushing deeply. I couldn't really blame him. I mean, he did have his shirt off! Thank God he hadn't noticed my gawping.

"Hello, Your Majesty. Is there something the matter?" Gaius inquired to me. I knew that he had assumed something was wrong with me as he looked concerned. Even Leon did, too and he was injured.

I smiled at the both of them, showing that I wasn't unwell. When they looked confused, I knew I would have to explain why I was there.

"I was on a walk and I met King Ayden…" At the sound of his name, I inwardly winced and remembered his words making me trail off for a moment, when I noticed Leon looking at me worriedly, I snapped back into action.

"….Well, he told me about Leon, here. And I decided to come and see if he was alright." I told them both.

Gaius nodded at me, and then looking at Leon sat down and began to re-dress his bandage.

As Gaius began to do this, I began to feel uncomfortable. I couldn't help but feel in the way.

So, I asked Leon: "Do you mind me being here?"

At my question, Leon looked at me fully and fervently shook his head. Although, I knew he was trying to make me feel better, I still felt that he needed privacy.

"Don't worry, My Lady. You're fine being here….and as you can see, it's just a scratch!" Leon told me, finally.

It was my turn to nod at him, and I quickly found a seat and sat down.

Gaius had obviously become slightly annoyed at Leon's referral to his injury as a "scratch" as he had pulled the bandage a little bit too tight, making Leon wince. Gaius noticing Leon wincing quickly apologised and rectified his mistake.

I couldn't help but frown at Gaius' behaviour! In the past, no matter the disproval or annoyance Gaius was feeling he would never have allowed it to interfere with his work!

Although, I knew why he was so frustrated, it was obvious. Well- it was to me. Every knight who gets injured never sees the seriousness of it and it can be fatal by them going into another batter or not looking after themselves.

I suppose after Arthur it had shown both myself and Gaius how precious the Knights are to Camelot, especially since they had lost their leader.

At the thought of Arthur, I couldn't help thinking of a time when he had said the same to me…

I tried to think of something else, anything as I didn't want to think about Arthur as I was worried that I wouldn't be able to stop which would make me feel upset!

As I did so, I couldn't notice that Gaius seemed immensely busy as he was refilling his medicine bag.

"Gaius, have you got a call to do? You seem busy." I asked him, making him halt.

His rushing was making even me tired and it was worrying me. A lot.

Gaius nodded at me, and said his goodbyes to both myself and Leon, leaving us alone.

Leon, who seemed to be deep in thought, had keep quiet. It was worrying me, as well.

"Are you alright, Leon? You seem quiet." I asked him. I was aware that my voice sounded brittle and weak but it was worry that was doing it.

"I'm fine. I'm worried about Gaius." He told me, frowning.

At his confession, I agreed with him.

"I suppose he misses Merlin. We all do. If I'm being honest, I was coming here before King Ayden stopped me. I wanted to see if he's alright."

Leon looked at me again and as I looked at him, I couldn't help but notice something. Every time I mentioned King Ayden (recently) Leon would tense up. It had confirmed my suspicions that he distrusts too.

"Er…What did you and King Ayden talk about?" Leon asked me, tersely.

**A/N: Here is chapter 15. I hope you like it! Please, please Review. Since this is my first fanfiction, all the feedback I can get is helpful!**


	16. Chapter 16- Guinevere's Knight

**A/N: Here is chapter 16. I hope you enjoy it! I do not own Merlin, unfortunately.**

At his question, my heart rate seemed to speed up. Whether it was out of nervousness or embarrassment, I don't know but whatever it was it made me feel sick.

"King Ayden and I were talking about what we normally talk about. Like whether we were well, and so on." I told him, earnestly.

Although, Leon nodded along to what I was saying, I knew he believed I wasn't telling him something. I felt guilty for not being honest but to admit to Leon about what he said, I knew I couldn't do.

For King Ayden to tell me that I need a husband was below the pale. It reminded me that Arthur was gone, and I didn't want to see how Leon would react to King Ayden's interference as I knew he would become angry.

If a knight is rude to another knight or even if they fight, there are things that can be done. It doesn't necessarily mean he needs to stop being a knight but for a Knight to do it to a king isn't so simple.

I didn't want Leon to risk being a knight as I knew how much it meant to him. How much it had always meant to him…. I still remember how he told me how he was going to be a knight!

**FLASHBACK**

_I had just finished helping my mother in Leon's household and now, like normal, I was going down to the stream which ran behind his house to wait for Leon to come. _

_Leon and I had been friends since I was a toddler, so now that I am 13, we went everywhere together and we were constantly with each other. Little did I know that our time together would change majorly. _

_I only had to wait for Leon a couple of minutes before I saw him come running from his house. As I looked at him, I could tell he was happy. At the sight of him, I couldn't help smile at him. _

"_Leon! Why are you so happy?" I asked him, as soon as he reached me. _

_Leon didn't seem to want to wait to tell me, as soon as I had said this he told me why. His eyes were twinkling with happiness and for the first time in my short life, I felt so happy for him that I wanted to hug him. _

"_I'm starting my training with Sir Daganet. Next Week! I'm going to be a knight." He told me, joyously. His young face looked red from his running, and I felt guilty that I had wished he didn't need to be one. _

_Although, I knew I would miss him, my mother had explained that it was natural for Leon. One thing which upset me was the thought that I would never see him!_

_I tried to smile at him, but the thought of having to address him as "Sir Leon" is terrifying._

_Leon's always been my playmate. I don't want it to change, but I knew that I can't tell him that! It would be selfish of me. _

"_Congratulations, I don't have to call you "Sir Leon", do I?" I asked him, teasingly. It was my way of showing that I was happy for him but also that I would miss him. _

_Leon's smile widened at my words and I knew that he would ask me to!_

"_Of course you don't, __Guinevere! "__He shot back at me, teasingly. He knew how much I disliked the name, as I had once thrown a frog at him for calling it me! (I was only three at five at the time)_

_I pulled a face at the name, and I couldn't help but stick my tongue at him!_

**END OF FLASHBACK**

I couldn't help but laugh at the memory, as I knew that if someone had told me that would be queen and that Leon would be a knight serving me, I would have told them to go and Gaius for treatment!

**A/N: I hope you enjoyed this!** **Please review! In the next chapter, there is a chance that King Ayden will leave! As to why, you'll have to wait. **


	17. Chapter 17- King Ayden's departure

**A/N Here is chapter 17. I hope you like it! In this chapter, King Ayden will leave and I will tell you about an OC who is quite interesting! I don't own Merlin, only King Ayden and Lady Smythe. **

Only a day later, King Ayden announced his departure from Camelot and to say I was glad would be an understatement.

Whilst some of the knights, excluding Leon, were upset he was leaving I wasn't. If anything, I felt happier than I had in a long time. By him leaving, it would mean that I wouldn't have to be on my guard all the time and I wouldn't have to be uneasy.

The only thing which I disliked about King Ayden announcing his departure was that it highlighted how many people he had won over. The knights, Gaius, the elders and even Lady Smythe...

Whilst King Ayden charming the knights and Gaius wasn't unusual or particularly weird, charming Lady Smythe was!

Lady Julianne Smythe was married when she was only 20 and when she her husband, Lord Alfred, had been killed in the battle of Danaria 5 years later, she was understandably devastated. However, as the days, months and years passed, her disposition changed. Instead of being how she was before (happy and outgoing, as my father told me), she was taciturn and sourly. Every person who she came in contact with felt her wrath! Now, in her late 50's, she's just as a bad.

Lady Smythe isn't easily won over, of that I was certain. When she first met Percival and Gwaine, she instantly disliked them which were of no shock to anyone who knew her. Whilst Percival took her glares and quips politely, Gwaine decided that all she needed was a bit of care and devotion! Well- teasing…

Of course, Lady Smythe didn't exactly appreciate being given a lavender flower in the middle of the packed great hall!

Whilst Arthur was amused by Gwaine's behaviour, I must admit that now looking back he should have left her to it. Although, I knew Lady Smythe were unhappy her disposition always made it hard for me to feel sorry for her but when after Arthur had died, I had found it immensely easy to.

By her husband's death, it had changed her. If anything, she reminded me of my duty to Camelot.

For King Ayden to have made her happy it felt wrong and I couldn't help but feel unhappy.

Later that day 

We, my Knights and I, were waiting for King Ayden to leave and I felt incredibly nervous.

It was almost like I couldn't believe he was actually going, which was insane since all we were waiting for was him to come out of the doors.

When I caught Leon beside me, he shot me a look which I clearly understood. He was worried about him leaving, too.

At the sound of the doors, King Ayden came down the steps and approached me.

"My Lady", He acknowledged me, standing in front of me.

I merely nodded as it was clear that he wanted me to walk him to his horse so he could talk to me.

When he started to walk to his horse, I followed him. I wanted to make sure that he would leave and for good.

When he was at his horse, he turned to face me and he looked at me closely.

"Well, this is goodbye…" He trailed off, wanting a response of me.

"Yes, it is." My voice sounded harsh but it must have been obvious that I disliked him as my behaviour had bordered on rudeness at times.

King Ayden narrowed his eyes at me, and I could feel his displeasure radiate of him.

When he answered me, his voice was as clear as a bell: "Don't worry, Guinevere. I will come back!"

His reply, sent shivers down my spine as it confirmed that he knew I hated him yet why had he stayed so long?

He had said that he wanted to unite his kingdom with Camelot but I don't know!

As he mounted his horse, and eventually, started to leave I breathed a sigh of relief.

**A/N: Here it is! I hope you like it! Please review! **


	18. Chapter 18- The effects

**A/N: Here is chapter 18. Some have you expressed a desire for Merlin to come back but I have plans for him in the story. So, I will give you a spoiler. Merlin will come back but as to why; you will have to read on! Enjoy…**

Life in Camelot went back to normal after King Ayden's departure and for that I was thankful. Lady Smythe went back to her normal taciturn and anti-social self which annoyed and upset people in equal measure.

Whilst I enjoyed not having to be on guard since King Ayden wasn't there, I was also missing him which was exceedingly strange since the whole time he was in Camelot, I wished for his departure as I couldn't help but hate him!

I suppose that it was because of how good an influence he was to Lady Smythe. Nothing to do with him personally….

During the last few months, my dreams of Arthur were abating and whilst I was slightly relieved, I also felt lonely as it magnified the whole in which Arthur's death had caused. I knew that Leon and Percival were there for me but it was different, they were my friends not the love of my life.

Leon, I know, felt happier at King Ayden's going which meant that only did he seem and look happier but it also helped our friendship. When Ayden was in Camelot, we were always guarded, never doing anything near prying eyes.

Of course, I would sometimes feel like we were being watched even when they weren't anyone around, especially, King Ayden himself. This would make me extra cautious and I always felt that I was never acting like myself which would often be noticed by Leon but now it was different.

I could be myself!

But as everything was happening, there was a nagging feeling in the back of my mind, reminding me that the people I loved most was still missing. Both Merlin and Arthur!

Whilst Arthur didn't mean to get killed, it was different with Merlin. He purposely left me. I know that I was being selfish hating him for it but I needed him and he simply wasn't there. He still isn't, and I couldn't help but miss him.

At the thought, I left out a loud sigh and Leon who was obviously talking to me, looked slightly curious and worried.

"Gwen, are you alright?" He asked me, worriedly, his brow furrowing in worry.

Although, I appreciated Leon's constant loyalty and comfort, I sometimes felt that his worry made me feel worse. Almost as if it reminded me that Arthur would never be worried about me again or that I would never ask him.

However, I knew that it wasn't Leon's fault and through my own selfishness, I had hurt him enough. Something which I was determined not to do again…

"I'm fine, Leon. I'm just thinking about things!" I told him, as we had reached a corner in the garden where we were walking.

Leon looked at me and he knew that I was trying to seem alright, as he seemed to narrow his eyes in suspicion. I don't really know how he could know but I couldn't help but wonder how obvious my feelings were!

"You know, you can always talk me." He told me, confirming what I thought.

I know that I should have felt relieved at his admission but I knew that what I was feeling, I will have to keep to myself. Sometimes, even I don't know what I'm feeling about Arthur and I wasn't going to burden Leon with my own problems.

**A/N: This is chapter 18 done. I don't really know if this is alright. So, please can you review? All feedback is appreciated. **


	19. Chapter 19- Merlin's Back

**A/N: Here is Chapter 19. Whilst Guinevere will realise she loves Leon, she will not act on it! Her admitting it to someone else will not make her think of doing the same to Leon. Merlin will also come back! Just to make sure, in my fanfic, he has left Camelot as soon as Arthur had died. **

**I hope you enjoy, and I do not own Merlin. **

In the end, I didn't tell Leon what I was feeling which at the time I was happy with but now a couple of days later, I was regretting it.

Today, memories of Arthur and I were everywhere which I couldn't help but feel slightly overwhelmed by. However, I knew why I was remembering Arthur more today.

It should have been our Anniversary. We would have been married nearly seven years.

Leon and Gaius, I knew, were well aware of what the significance of today was and they didn't push me to be happy or to even to talk to them and it made me feel comforted.

However, the despair which I was feeling throughout the day wouldn't go away which I was slightly happy about. I knew that as long as I felt the feeling, I would never forget Arthur and what I had felt for him.

In the afternoon

As I was coming back from the court meeting which had just finished, Leon came rushing towards me.

The speed of his walking startled me as he seemed to be almost running. Before I even knew it, he stopped right in front of me.

"My Lady! If you'll just come with me…There's a visitor." He told me, quickly. He seemed nervous as his pause gave away his uncertainty.

His discomposure put me on edge as Leon was always well composed and calm. The perfect example of serenity…. What worried me still was that if the visitor was royalty, I would already know about their arrival. So, who was the visitor?

"Alright. Where's the visitor?" I asked Leon, worriedly. I was becoming even more worried and on edge as the time passed.

Leon didn't answer straight away, but instead he seemed to take time to decide what to say.

"In Gaius'." He told me, simply.

I nodded to Leon, indicating him to lead the way which he quickly did.

The journey to Gaius' went swiftly but I couldn't help but feel uneasy as I desperately wanted to ask Leon who the visitor was but he hadn't told me for a reason. What that reason was, I don't know.

As we were approaching Gaius's chamber, I sneaked a glance to Leon who quickly avoided my gaze.

The whole situation was getting more unusual by the minute, so I decided to find out who it was by walking through the door to Gaius', leaving Leon to walk in behind me.

I let out a small gasp as I saw who the visitor was, making the men aware of my presence.

Merlin, who was sitting on the bench, abruptly stood up as he heard me and bowed deeply. As he did this, I couldn't help but feel an immense amount of anger at him but also pity.

Although, Merlin had always looked under nourished to a certain extent, he seemed to be even thinner!

"Your Majesty." He addressed me, hoarsely.

Merlin had always been my friend for him to greet me so politely and so distantly, re-ignited the anger I was feeling.

I was vaguely aware that I was looking at him coldly but the feelings which I was feelings were so strong that I couldn't register anything else.

I knew that for me to talk to Merlin honestly, I needed to talk to him alone.

"May I be alone with Merlin for a moment?" I asked Leon and Gaius, my eyes not leaving Merlin.

Gaius and Leon looked at each other and sensing the atmosphere in the room, agreed quickly leaving the room.

"Why are you here?!" I asked him, coldly as soon as they had left.

Merlin looked startled at my words but I knew that it wasn't my question which had done it but rather my tone. He seemed to want to say what he felt but after opening his mouth a couple of times, he closed it.

"Camelot's my home." He told me, eventually.

I nodded at him. Even though I was angry, Camelot WAS his home.

"But why now?" I asked him.

Merlin looked at me sadly and it didn't make the anger which I was feeling go away but rather made it increase.

"I wanted to see if _you _were alright…"

I knew that he wanted to check upon on me and everyone but there was also another feeling. Almost telling me that he was hiding something….

"You wanted to see if everyone was alright…." I repeated, disbelief colouring my voice.

When Merlin nodded at my words, I couldn't control my anger anymore.

"You come back NOW?! Why? Where were you when I was grieving about Arthur? Or, when I had to deal with King Ayden making me feel like just some silly woman in charge of a kingdom? How about when I felt so unhappy that I couldn't have cared if I lived or died…" I was becoming very upset and words were flying out of my mouth before I could register them.

"…or how about when Gaius was lonely, or when I was falling in love with Leon!?" I nearly screamed at him.

At the last bit of my tirade, Merlin's eyes widened in disbelief and when I registered what I had said so did mine.

**A/N: Here is Chapter 19. I hope you enjoy it. Don't think I'm being purposely harsh on Merlin but Gwen does think he's abandoned her and next chapter, she will find out the whole reason for him going. I wanted her realised to be totally accidental so it was a bit more realistic!**

**Please Review!**


	20. Chapter 20- The Truth

**A/N: I would just like to say that I've appreciated all the reviews I've had so far! Anyway, here is chapter 20. Please review… **

As Merlin and I were silent, the tension in the room made the anger I was feeling disappear. I knew that I had just declared my love for Leon but I tried to focus on the situation at hand.

Merlin's shocked look soon turned into guilt which made even me feel bad. The look made me want to hug Merlin but I knew that after my tirade, I couldn't.

"I'm sorry…" I told him, sorrowfully. Merlin had been my friend for years; I couldn't just hurt him without feeling bad.

At my words, Merlin shook his head adamantly.

"No..." Merlin's voice sounded sincere and upset and I couldn't help but try and give him a slight smile. Well- try not to grimace at him at the very least!

"…It is I who should be sorry. I did abandon you when Arthur had _died_." He told me.

Merlin's voice broke at the end and before I knew it I gathered him up in my arms, holding him to me tightly.

Whilst we were hugging, tears seemed to blind me and before I knew it I began sobbing. I had missed Merlin more than I had wished to admit.

The few minutes we were hugging, every feeling I was feeling became insignificant. I had Merlin back! My best friend…

We pulled apart, and eventually sat down on the seats near the table.

"Well…" Merlin started saying, looking sheepish.

I needed to know the truth, I may not hate or dislike Merlin but why had he left me? The curiosity I was feeling was overwhelming that I couldn't think of anything else.

"Why did you leave when Arthur died?" I asked him, abruptly.

Merlin, I knew, was expecting my question and for once, I knew what he would tell me would be the truth.

"When Arthur died, I felt like I was a failure. I hadn't just failed him but you as well but the difference between you and Arthur would be that I would have to be a round you every day. I knew my conscience wouldn't be able to deal with that….I was so selfish. I'm sorry!" Merlin told me, without looking at me. To him, Gaius' table must have looked interesting.

At his words, I caught his hands in mine I wanted to comfort him, and I squeezed them.

"I really don't blame you for Arthur dying. I never really have! I don't blame you for running away, either. I would have done the same if I wasn't the queen. Just to get away from Camelot and the memories of Arthur…" I told him, trailing off.

I had loved Arthur so much and in my heart a part of me still does, but the pain had been so strong that it hurt to be here!

I had never told anyone that I would have happily left Camelot to escape the pain I was feeling, as I didn't want to be judged but Merlin wouldn't judge me.

At my words, Merlin's eyes abruptly filled with tears and in that instance I knew that he understood.

After a moment, Merlin nodded showing that he did. I decided to try and change the subject if only to help Merlin.

"Why have you come back now? Really…" I asked him. He was hiding something that was certain.

Merlin sighed in defeat and I knew that I had been right.

"It's about King Ayden!" He told me, looking very much like he had done when Arthur had been alive.

I hadn't expected that and my eyes widened for the second time that day.

**A/N: So, there you go! I hope you enjoyed it. I don't really like having harrowing scenes and writing them so I've tried to get them to be truthful, instead. Also, Merlin's back because of King Ayden! Ooh…I wonder why?**


	21. Chapter 21- King Ayden's plot

**A/N: Here is chapter 21! Although, I haven't had too many reviews, the ones I have had have been very helpful, instructive and very confidence boosting. Thank you! Anyway, I will try and end all of the speculation about King Ayden here! I hope it's either what you thought or even worse. Be prepared for a long chapter…**

My mind was spinning. Here Merlin was saying he had come back because of King Ayden. But why…?

Merlin could sense my confusion and shock and he gently took my hand as a way of comfort.

"Why?" I asked him, hoarsely. I don't know why I was as shocked as I had always hated and distrusted him, even from the moment he had arrived.

Merlin didn't seem to want to tell me straightaway, which made me want to be sick as I knew that whatever he was going to tell me would be bad.

"What do YOU know about him?" Merlin asked me, totally disregarding my question.

I had to grit my teeth together to stop my frustration from showing, as my worry and curiosity was increasing.

"Not much. Only that he's in his mid-thirties, he was friends with Arthur. All the normal things..." I told him.

When I mentioned that King Ayden was friends with Arthur, Merlin's expression had changed drastically. Before he had looked slightly apprehensive but normal, whereas now he looked angry which was actually quite scary.

"He wasn't Arthur's friend…" Merlin told me, looking at how I reacted, "….Him and Arthur were enemies. I only know this because I became suspicious after I had met Adam (his servant) and he tried to ask me about your relationship with Arthur, and I tried to find out their history."

Merlin paused for me to take what I was saying in but I couldn't. The thought I had been right all along not to trust him, was too much.

"Why would he lie, though?" I knew I sounded feeble but I didn't understand why he had lied. What was Merlin talking about?

At my words, Merlin's expression yet again changed but into what, I don't know.

"I think he wanted his revenge on Arthur. And, I think he wanted you to marry him as a way. If you did marry him, he would have gained this kingdom and his revenge would have been complete." He told me, shaking his head.

My heart began to race and my hands seemed to start to shake. Why hadn't anyone believed me? I had been right, after all.

Merlin noticed how his words had affected me, and tried to comfort me. He came and sat down next to me, draped his arm around my shoulder.

"Did you have any reason that he liked you?" Merlin asked me. I suppose that he was trying to get me to think about King Ayden even though, it was the last thing to do.

I nodded at him, not trusting my voice. Memories of all the times King Ayden called me 'Guinevere' or when mentioned how I needed a husband. It all became clear.

However, one thing which I didn't understand why did he need revenge on Arthur?

"I don't get why King Ayden needed revenge, though. Arthur's dead." I told Merlin, sadly.

Merlin must have been waiting for my question as he too looked upset.

"I have reason to believe, he had been in love with Morgana and of course, he holds Arthur responsible for her death." He told me.

Although, I should have been shocked, I wasn't. Morgana had always been a bewitching woman, and she had always been attracted to the same type. Men exactly like King Ayden.

I nodded at him, showing that I understood.

"Surely, King Ayden would know that I would never marry him? So, soon after Arthur!" I told him, hating King Ayden more than had ever done.

Merlin let out a big sigh at my words, and I had wished I hadn't said them. His sigh highlighted how much he still had to tell me.

"I don't think he would have just tried to woo you to get you to marry him but I don't know. I'm sorry. But one thing for sure, he would have tried make you vulnerable, so that you would have needed to trust him. King Ayden seems like the type to do it." He explained to me.

The last bit must have been hard for Merlin to say as his face had screwed up and a shadow had passed over his face.

As his words sunk in, I had realised something.

Before his arrival in Camelot, I didn't have dreams and memories about Arthur as much but when he had come, I was plagued with them.

I jerked away from Merlin and I abruptly stood up. Not even looking at him, I sped from Gaius' looking for Gaius himself.

Only about five minutes later, I found both Leon and Gaius coming towards Gaius' quarters.

I must have looked awful as Gaius immediately took hold of my arm as soon as I had reached them.

"Are you alright, Your majesty?" He asked me, worriedly.

Leon, who had watched me the entire time, still looked worried like he had earlier but what I had told Merlin still grated on my mind. So, instead I turned my eyes away from him.

I knew why Gaius had asked, of course. I knew that I must have had eyes red from crying and a tear stained face but that wasn't important.

"Yes, yes." I could tell that my tone was impatient but I needed to ask Gaius something.

"Gaius, is there any type of potion or magic which can bring on dreams, memories? I don't just mean the odd one or two but I mean numerous times a day?!" I asked him, watching his face.

I had expected him to look at me like I was a lunatic and for him to dismiss the idea entirely but to my horror, he didn't.

"There is a potion, my dear. Physicians don't use it since it's side effects are very dangerous, especially, if the potion is administered regularly." He told me, seriously.

At his words, I began to worry. What would the side effects do?

"What side effects?" I asked him, worriedly.

Gaius looked at me for a moment, and realising that how important his answer would be, he didn't waste any time.

"They can cause extreme tiredness, mood swings, and extreme unhappiness. They are just a few of many." He told me.

I was shocked into silence as I realised what King Ayden had done. What he had tried to do?

At my silence, both Gaius and Leon seemed to think about what I was saying. After a few seconds, Gaius seemed to realise what I was getting at.

If King Ayden had kept giving me the potions, I would have been totally vulnerable but why had be stopped and why had he left?

**A/N: Here is chapter 21. I did initially think about making King Ayden a sorcerer but I think the concept could be realistic, especially, since anyone could give Guinevere the potion as Adam (King Ayden's servant) practically has free reign. **


	22. Chapter 22- Reactions

**A/N: Here is chapter 22. In this chapter, Leon and Gaius will find out via Merlin AND Gwen. I'm not trying to make it repetitive! I hope that their reactions will tell you more about how the characters are at the moment!**

Time seemed to slow down as we were standing about, and the atmosphere turned awkward.

Whilst Gaius, I think, had realised that I thought I was being given the potion, Leon hadn't which meant that he would need an explanation.

"Let's go and see Merlin…?" I told them both, briskly.

The whole situation with King Ayden had annoyed me beyond belief. To know that my instincts were right, although, was a comforting notion it also made me feel slightly angry that the people around me hadn't believed me.

Both Gaius and Leon nodded at me, motioning for me to lead the way.

I quickly led the way, which I think Gaius was glad about. It obvious that he wanted to speak to Merlin, and I couldn't help but feel that whatever needed to be said about King Ayden could wait…

My feelings about Leon were still bothering me. Would it change our friendship? I couldn't help but fear it would.

I tried to curb my negative thoughts and think about something else. Even King Ayden!

Before we knew it, we returned to Gaius' chambers and found a very unhappy Merlin. Merlin looked like he had the weight of the world on his shoulders which ignited all the hatred I had ever felt about King Ayden.

At the sight of us, Merlin seemed to perk up a bit, which I couldn't help but give a smile at.

Leon nodded at Merlin openly now, and noticed he, too, looked happier than he had done in ages. Gaius on the other hand openly hugged Merlin. Although, I knew that they must have had time together before, I also knew how much they cared for each other.

All of us quickly sat down, and I prepared for the barrage of questions which I would inevitably get from both Leon and Gaius.

"So…what is this about?" Leon asked both me and Merlin, worriedly.

I couldn't help but notice that every time Leon was worried, he normally had every right to be. Perhaps I wasn't the only one with good instincts…

I quickly looked at Merlin to see if he was going to answer him, and when Merlin looked like he had no intention of doing so, I knew that I would have to.

Why Merlin let me, I don't know. Whether it was him attempting to play matchmaker or him just being Merlin, it could be either.

"Apparently, King Ayden was plotting against me. He wanted revenge against Arthur…" I told him, evenly.

I knew that I was being deliberately vague but I didn't want to spring it on Leon.

Whilst Leon looked shocked and angry (which I knew he would), Gaius didn't look shocked at all. His lack of surprise confirmed all of my suspicions about what he knew.

"How? Why?" Leon asked me, seriously.

I knew that Leon wanted answers but I didn't want to tell him. It would make him angrier. In the last couple of days and weeks, Leon had hated him more than I had!

I must have looked panicked by Leon's question as Merlin stepped in and was already beginning to answer his question.

"Well- King Ayden wasn't friends with Arthur…" Merlin started off telling him, letting him take the information in.

Even though, I had already heard the story I still wished that Merlin would just spit it out! Leon was becoming even more worried by the minute and the urge to take his hand and calm him down, was beginning to grow stronger.

Leon yet again looked horrified but Gaius didn't!

I couldn't hold my suspicions any longer. If Gaius had known about King Ayden, why had he kept quiet?

"Gaius, you didn't know did you?" I asked him, trying to make my voice sound unconcerned. Of course, I had failed as the worry and annoyance I was feeling was very much coming across.

At my words, Gaius nodded gravely.

"Yes, I did your majesty. When I remembered him, I didn't want to upset you or give you another problem. You were struggling enough." He admitted to me, gently.

Although, I wished he had told me, I also knew he was right.

Merlin looked comfortable at his words and I knew that he felt guilty. I quickly grabbed his hand for what seemed like the hundredth day, to comfort him!

Leon's eyes narrowed at the action and I couldn't blame him. I mean, I was seething only two hours again and now I was holding his hand?

Merlin looked slightly better and started to continue with the story.

"He wanted to marry Gwen. It would be the perfect revenge…" Merlin told them both.

His words made Leon stand up abruptly, and pace around the room. It was obvious to everyone else in the room that he was trying to calm himself down.

It was the third time that I had seen him lose his cool, and it was frightening.

Gaius had realised our friendship, so when Leon had sat down again looking calmer, he didn't mention Leon's behaviour.

Leon turned his attention to me, looking at me almost pleadingly.

"D-did he ever give any indication that he wanted to marry you?" Leon asked me. It was obvious that he had tried to sound nonchalant but the quiver in his voice gave him away.

I so wished that I could tell him that Merlin was wrong but I couldn't lie to him. Leon and Gaius deserved the truth!

I nodded at him, before saying: "At first, it was just the occasional use of my name. I told you before…" Leon nodded, as he remembered "… and then when you were injured he said that I needed a husband."

I hadn't told Merlin this so he looked shocked as well as Gaius but Leon looked angry and if I'm honest, slightly jealous.

"How did you react?" He asked me.

Leon didn't have any right to ask me but the need for me to tell the truth and try pacifying Leon was so great, I probably would have told him anything.

"How do you think I reacted? I was angry. I told him that I didn't need a husband to rule a kingdom!" I told him, truthfully.

At my words, the tension which Leon had obviously been feeling went from his body, as his grimace which adorned his handsome face went away.

Merlin had obviously sensed what was going on between me and Leon, and decided to take over telling the story.

"As to why, he wanted revenge due to Morgana. To avenge her death! " He explained to them.

I could tell Leon was confused, so before he could ask, I told him why.

"He was in love with her." I told him, simply.

Although, Leon at my words looked a little unnerved by the discovery, I must admit that I felt bad for King Ayden. The heartbrokenness that a person feels when a loved one has died, is extreme and if I didn't have the kingdom I would probably have lost myself too!

**A/N: Here it is! I didn't want it to be the same as the last chapter, so I tried to focus on their reactions. **


	23. Chapter 23- Guinevere's choice

**A/N: Here is chapter 23. I don't really want to go into Leon and Gaius' reactions to Gwen being given the potion, but I would rather try and move the story on. **

In the end, Merlin and I didn't tell Leon about the potion. Whilst Gaius had guessed, I didn't feel the need to fill Leon in. I knew that it would make the whole situation worse since I would have to deal with Leon's temper.

It was now a week later and I was still paranoid about Merlin leaving me and Camelot. I tried to calm myself down by reminding myself that Merlin wouldn't leave without a reason. Just like he had done with Arthur! But this didn't help the feeling go away, it just made me feel sad.

I was so happy that Merlin was back. Whether it was that I had my best friend back or that it gave me an excuse to talk to someone else besides Leon, I don't know.

It had become awkward between me and Leon after I had admitted my feelings for him and I honestly have no idea what to do. It was my fault, of course, but the thought of actually sorting it out terrifies me. I had took to talking to Merlin and instead, avoiding Leon. It was if life had went back to before I fell in love with Leon!

"I know what you're doing…" Merlin told me, a day later whilst we were walking with each other.

I looked at Merlin in shock, and my mouth parted in surprise.

"What are you talking about, Merlin?" I asked him, tentatively. The minute he had said that sentence, I knew that he had understood my behaviour.

For Merlin to know me so well even after this time, baffled me greatly…

Merlin sighed in exasperation in response to my question and shook his head.

He, then, looked at me and quickly looked away. It was as if he was contemplating something.

"You're avoiding Leon and you're using me as a way of doing it." Merlin eventually told me.

Whilst Merlin didn't sound bitter or annoyed with my behaviour, it made me feel guilty. It wasn't what he said but rather the way he did it. He sounded so truthful!

I nodded at him, rather unhappily.

"Yes, I am. I'm sorry I'm using you as a way of avoiding Leon. I do enjoy spending time with you, really. It's just that I can't face him." I told him, truthfully.

Merlin looked at me sympathetically and the look made me want to cry. It was so full of tenderness, concern and worry.

"Why can't you face him? Is it because you love him?" He asked me, gently.

I knew that he was trying to get me to talk about my feelings but I had hid them for so long, that It felt weird talking about them normally.

I shook my head. Loving him was only part of the problem and it just made everything else worse.

"No. It's not just that I love him. When I see Leon, I feel like how I use to but as soon as he is gone another feeling replaces that one! It's almost as if I'm not supposed to be in love with him, since I know that I feel guilty for it." I told him, looking at the end of the empty corridor we were walking in.

Merlin, yet again, looked concerned but this time I didn't want his pity or worry. It was a problem which would go away.

"Why do you feel guilty? You have nothing to feel guilty about!" Merlin exclaimed emphatically at me.

As he said this, I couldn't help but shake my head at him. He didn't understand and I knew that he probably would never.

"I feel guilty because in my heart there's a part of me which still loves Arthur. How can I love two men?" Although, I knew that what I was saying wouldn't help Merlin to understand, I knew that attempting to do so would help me.

I knew Merlin didn't know how to answer my question but when he did, I felt almost relieved.

"I suppose you don't! I've only ever loved one woman in my life…her name was Freya. I have never found someone else." He told me, honestly.

At the mention of his past love, Merlin's eyes misted with tears and I had to wonder why he never told us about her. Merlin opened his mouth to speak and I knew he wasn't done.

"But Arthur wouldn't want you to feel guilty for finding happiness. He would want you to make the most of it. Every time he was in a dangerous situation, he thought of you and your future." Merlin sounded so sincere and heartfelt that I could help but feel contented by his words.

Quickly, the feeling passed. I was still faced with a dilemma. Do I move on from my past and Arthur or do I try and be happy with Leon?

**A/N: Here is my attempt at trying to show the indecision and how torn Gwen is over what she feels for both of the men! Please review.**


	24. Chapter 24- Merlin's Magic

**A/N: Chapter 24! Just to say guys, there won't be many to go! Only about 3 or 4 more chapters **** Anyway, many of you have expressed a desire for Guinevere to find out about Merlin's magic, so in this chapter, she will! Don't judge Gwen harshly, though. Her behaviour will be quite bad towards Merlin. Merlin's reveal may seem a bit demure but I wanted it to be… I don't own Merlin!**

My reluctance to see Leon was forever increasing, and although, Leon noticed, he seemed to not want to upset me.

His understanding was starting to grate on my nerves…How could I continue to avoid him when he was still so nice to me? It was making me feel awful and it was only one of the problems my cowardice was causing.

My love for him was causing all sorts of problems, too, which I didn't even want to acknowledge let alone deal with. But with Merlin around it wouldn't be long before I had to!

I was musing about Leon and my feelings, when like normal Merlin came up to me. He had obviously been running or walking fast, as his cheeks were flushed.

As I looked at him closer, he looked shifty even nervous. It made me want to demand what was wrong.

Merlin looked like he was deliberating about something. Every so often, he would get a pensive look and seem to grimace or shake his head. It was only a couple of seconds later when he greeted me, up to then I don't think he noticed me as he was so enraptured with his thoughts.

"My Lady…." He greeted me with, trailing off. It was obvious that he wanted to tell me something, yet he couldn't gather the words to do so.

His greeting hadn't calmed any of my fears but rather made them worse.

What was he really going to tell me? Was it Leon? Gaius? Had something happened to them?

My mind was spinning. I wished he would just spit it out!

"…I have something I need to say…." He told me, nervously.

Merlin's voice broke and the urge to tell him it would be alright no matter what he would tell me, seemed overpowering. However, I couldn't tell him that!

Giving him false hope wouldn't be a kindness at all…

"What, Merlin? You can tell me anything." I told him, gently.

Although, I was still nervous about what he was going to tell me, I knew that it must be important for Merlin to react like this.

When Merlin answered my heart almost stopped…..

"I have magic." He told me, almost inaudibly.

At first, I had thought that I was mistaken and that he hadn't said that at all but with one look at his face, I knew that I wasn't.

The betrayal and hurt I was feeling was making want to cry but I had cried enough already, and I knew that I probably wouldn't stop if did start.

"How long have you had magic? Why…?" I asked him, coldly.

I so wanted him to tell me that it was recent, when he was away perhaps, just so that the feeling of betrayal would vanish. Knowing that he had been continually betraying everyone, including me and Arthur, was just too much.

Merlin looked tortured by my question but I couldn't feel sorry for him. He was someone we were all taught to despise.

"I've had magic all my life…I was born with it!" Merlin told me, honestly.

He didn't sound happy when he said it but I didn't really notice that. I couldn't. All I could focus on what the fact that he wasn't the person I thought he was. The thought was devastating.

"Did he know? Arthur." I asked him, harshly. I knew I was being unfair but Merlin was- were- my best friend and he had lied the entire time!

Merlin nodded and the tears which had been in his eyes now were flowing down his cheeks.

"Yes, he did. I told him before he died." It made me want to hit him. I had always noticed how close they were but for Merlin to have told Arthur but not me made the whole situation worse.

"Probably to soothe you're guilty conscience no doubt." I told him, almost cruelly.

I knew I was being cruel and I was hurting him but I wanted to hurt him as he had done to me! He had lied to me, and no matter what he said, it wouldn't change that.

I needed Merlin, I knew that but now I could barely look at him without thinking of his betrayal.

If I was honest, I don't care he's a sorcerer (The one who had helped us at Camlann, had shown not all were evil) but the fact he didn't trust us to keep his secret, tortured me.

Merlin yet again looked like I was physically hurting him, and he tried to reach out to grasp my hand as a way of comfort. Although, Merlin didn't move fast, I moved out of his grasp with a jerk. I didn't want Merlin near me at the moment, let alone to touch me.

"I need to know one thing. Why tell me now?" I asked him, hoarsely.

I was becoming hysterical and I needed something to make me focus.

Merlin took a shuddering breath and looked at me with piercing eyes, trying to make me understand his motives.

"I don't want to lie or hide away anymore. Everything I've done with my magic has been for Camelot. I would never have done anything to harm you or Arthur. Please know that. I didn't want you to either find out from someone else or figure it out. " He explained.

His words, although, were helping me to understand also evoked such a sense of hurt that I turned my body away from him.

Merlin would always be my friend, it was obvious but I knew that for me to forgive him I would need time.

"I don't care you're sorcerer…" I told him, making him look at me with wide eyes. "What I do mind, is that you lied to me, to everyone. Our whole friendship has been full of lies...I just can't be around you at the moment, I'm sorry."

It was my turn to take a shuddering breath, as I knew that one way or another our friendship would never be the same.

**A/N: I don't know whether this is dramatic enough but sometimes reveals can be a little bit too dramatic and so the emotion is lost. Although, I knew the chapter was important, I still didn't enjoy writing it! Please Review!**


	25. Chapter 25- Percival's talk

**A/N: Here is 25****th**** chapter! **** I never expected to be still going! Anyway, I kind of realised that Percival hasn't really featured so I thought that perhaps he could help Gwen. I hope you enjoy this! I DON'T own Merlin….Please review.**

It was a week after I had, unfortunately, found out about Merlin and I felt even more hurt than I had when I first found out.

A couple of days ago, I had decided that perhaps it would be wise for me to avoid seeing both Leon and Merlin and now I was paying the price…the desire to see Leon was at time so strong that it often nearly made me want to cry out for him. Yet, I couldn't. I still wasn't resigned to being in love with him and seeing him, although, made me feel slightly happier I would always feel guilty, too.

Being so isolated made me want Arthur more than ever! If he was still with me, I wouldn't have to deal with Merlin's magic on my own, and I definitely wouldn't be in love with Leon!

It had been just dawn when giving up trying to sleep, I had ventured out for a walk. It was now I had realised where I had ventured to. I was opposite the knights who were training.

I let out a sigh! It seemed that I couldn't get away from Leon, as I soon spotted him showing out a technique to a younger knight.

I couldn't help but stare at the sight, as the younger knight seemed to gaze at Leon in admiration and devotion, and it made me realise something.

The Knights had all unconsciously accepted Leon as their unofficial leader. Although, I knew it should have pleased me as some of the younger knights definitely needed some guidance, it also pained me. It made me realise that Arthur, however much he was missed, could be replaced.

Why couldn't I accept it? Why couldn't I accept HIM? I loved him, it should be natural!

I was so trapped in my musing when I suddenly saw Percival walking towards me. He must have noticed me before. I couldn't help but blush wondering whether he had seen me staring.

"My Lady…" Sir Percival acknowledged me, bowing.

"Sir Percival." I nodded at him, smiling slightly.

I had always enjoyed talking to Percy as he seemed to always have something to say, even if he didn't come across as particularly loquacious.

"How are you, Gwen?" He soon asked me, looking anxious.

I couldn't help but frown at his question. It wasn't what he said but the expression he had on his face…it was so serious.

"I'm fine, Percy." I told him. Although, this wasn't the exact truth, if I admitted how I really felt, it would cause more problems.

I knew that I didn't sound it, especially, as I had involuntarily glanced at Leon at the same time.

Percival wanted to tell me something. That was immensely obvious, and it was about Leon, as he too glanced at him before continuing.

"He misses you. You do know that, don't you?" He told him, watching Leon again.

Of course, I knew that Leon missed me and it made me feel awful but the more I avoided him, the guiltier I felt!

"Yes, I do but it's complicated." I told him, trying to defend my actions.

It was his turn to nod, but it was a thoughtful one!

Percival had a reflective look on his face, and after a moment or two, told me: "Nothing's as complicated as it seems, even if it seems hopeless…!"

For such a big man, I couldn't help but smile at his words, especially, as he didn't seem like the philosophical type. It was one of the things I had come to like about him.

His words gave me hope. Perhaps it wasn't as bad as it seems…

"Even the situation with Merlin…" Percival then added.

At Merlin's name, instead of feeling hurt and betrayed, I felt more hurt than anything.

"Thank you, Percy. Always a help." I told him, smiling. He had been. I had felt hopeful about Leon and me, and it amazed me.

As he nodded, and said his goodbyes, I noticed that Leon had noticed our conversation and was openly staring.

When Percival approached Leon, Leon didn't greet him with a smile or anything cordial but rather looked at him coldly and gave him a pert nod.

Leon's behaviour, I knew, was aimed at me. He was talking his frustrations out on the people around me, rather than on me.

If only he knew, that by his behaviour I was being punished….I felt even guiltier.

**A/N: Here you go! I am thinking of writing a sequel to this, and so those of you who review can you say whether you would like to me to write one! In it, I would explore King Ayden (He's still not done, I'm afraid) more and maybe Gwen and Merlin!**

**Please review!**


	26. Chapter 26- Lady Smythe

**A/N: Chapter 26! I know some people have been saying that Gwen wouldn't normally hide away from her problems but I have to two things to say to that. One, we haven't really seen her in a position like this and two, if someone you love has died, you aren't going to be exactly acting like yourself. Anyway, in this chapter, you will find out about Lady Smythe and what her background is! She, too, will give Gwen some advice. Don't worry, Gwen confront Leon! I don't own Merlin!**

The situation with Leon and even Merlin was becoming increasing obvious and not just with the people who knew me best. Just how clear the problem was to everyone, I wouldn't have guessed.

It was a day after my talk with Percival and although, I hadn't talked to Leon, I was really considering sorting it out.

The weekly meeting which all of the nobles in Camelot needed to attend had just ended. Like usual my mind was elsewhere. I couldn't stop thinking about Leon and what I needed to do!

I was vaguely aware of the nobles retreating from the hall, and once I focused back on the situation at hand I noticed one of the nobles were still in the hall. It was lady Smythe!

I walked towards her, wondering if she needed me for something or whether she wanted to say something to me in private.

"Lady Smythe…" I said to her, once I had stopped in front of her.

"Your Majesty." She acknowledged me with. Her manner was startling. Instead of her usual flippant and often rude demeanour, she sounded almost polite.

It just made me even more curious, especially, as I had no idea what she was going to say.

"Did you want to talk to me?" I enquired to her, motioning for her sit down.

Once she did, she nodded to me. It was a nervous movement, one of which I had never seen Lady Smythe do. She was always calm and serene.

"Your Majesty….you know about my husband, do you not?" She asked me, plainly.

I nodded in response wondering where she was going with the conversation.

"Well, when my husband and I got married we did not love each other…" at this point, I couldn't help but look shocked as I had always assumed that their marriage was based on love.

"... but later, love and respect came. During which, I had often wished that I didn't have a husband to burden me with!" She was trying to help me, by telling me her story. That was obvious.

I could see how hard her admission was as there were unshed tears in her eyes. The first proper emotion I had seen from her, besides irritation and impatience.

"When my husband got killed, I felt responsible for it happening because of what I thought." Lady Smythe added to me.

I wanted to try and comfort her but I didn't really know how she would take it so, instead, I just stood listening to her trying to show that I understood.

I opened my mouth to comment, when Lady Smythe signalling that her story wasn't done interrupted me with: "A couple of years later, I fell in love with a knight. He had been one of my husband's friends and the thought of loving someone terrified me. I made the decision not to declare my love for him, and I have to deal with that!"

My heart bled for her, and I felt torn. Was she saying that I should follow my heart? Or, was she trying to tell me not to? But I could see how much it had affected her and in a way to comfort her, I couldn't help but ask: "Can't the situation be rectified?"

Lady Smythe shook her head, bitterly giving me a smile devoid of all humour.

"No, the man I talk of is dead." She explained to me, simply.

Even though her words were simple, I could tell how much it pained her to say it. After a few seconds of looking at Lady Smythe, I had realised something.

Her behaviour is her way of protecting herself. If she acts abominably then people are less likely to get close to her, meaning she will never get close to anyone.

I couldn't help but feel upset by the thought.

"Why are you telling me this?" I asked her. The situation seemed odd, as it was totally unexpected.

I don't know what I had expected but what she said astounded me.

"You're in love with Leon. I don't want you to do the same mistake that I did!" She declared to me, looking at me straight in the eyes.

At her words, my eyes went wide with worry as if she had noticed who else had?

"I want to help you, Gwen. You deserve happiness." Lady Smythe sounded so sincere and for a moment, I forgot how she normally acts.

I yet again nodded at her.

I don't know why but her words meant more than Percival's or anyone else's. Whether it was due to the fact that she is normally taciturn and bitter most of the time was probably why but I think that I didn't want to make both myself and Leon utterly miserable.

"You're right, Lady Smythe. If you'll just excuse me, I have something I need to do." I told her, politely.

Once I had seen her nod to me, and give me a slight smile, I collected my dress between my hands and abruptly starting running.

I didn't even have to try and ignore the enquiring looks; various people were throwing at me as I was so enthralled by what I was going to.

I even spotted Merlin who looked busy but also upset. I tried to give him a smile to try and show him that I didn't hate him but given the speed I was running whether he saw, I don't know.

I soon saw the knights training and after a moment of looking for Leon, I finally saw him.

When I looked at Leon I knew that what I was going to do was for the best. Both for myself as well as Leon…

Leon soon spotted me, and he looked nervous I couldn't help but feel nervous, too.

Instead of ignoring him as I had done in past few days, I kept my eyes on him as I walked up to him.

The nervous I was feeling was growing and I was quickly becoming afraid that I would lose my nerve…

**A/N: Here you go! I hope you enjoy this. Anyway, can anyone guess what Gwen is going to say/do? Please Review…**


	27. Chapter 27- Happiness

**A/N: Here is the LAST chapter of the story! I would just like to say that I have appreciated all of the feedback I have been given, it has helped. A lot… Even though, this is the last chapter, please review! I can then decide if it's worth writing a sequel. I don't own Merlin. **

Leon looked at me worryingly as soon as I had stopped walking. He gaze was so full of emotion that I couldn't help but feel some apprehension as I had no reason to believe he was in love with me, too. If anything I was hoping with all my heart that he was!

"My Lady." Leon said to me, sounding annoyed. Although, his tone was annoyed, I could also see that I had hurt him.

Even though I knew why he was being like it as I had been avoiding him for quite a while now, I still felt hurt by his behaviour but I knew that I would have to face it for me to do what I wanted to do.

I nodded at him, trying to show that I wanted to speak to him.

"Hello, Leon…" I had purposely left of the "sir" as I wanted to show Leon that all the formalities weren't necessary but all he did was raise his eyebrows in surprise. "…May we talk alone?"

As soon as I had said this, I was terrified that Leon would try to give me an excuse but to my surprise, he didn't.

Leon nodded to me, motioning for me to lead the way, which I promptly did.

The tension between the two of us was making me feel sick and I felt absolutely and utterly guilty for my behaviour towards Leon but how could I apologise without showing him my feelings? I couldn't and I needed to tell him.

As we had arrived at a secluded spot in the grounds, I stopped walking and whipped around to look at Leon.

"I need to tell you something, Leon…" I started telling him as soon as I had gathered up my courage.

At this, Leon looked startled and I couldn't help but wonder if he had guessed my feelings and they weren't reciprocated.

I hoped that he hadn't as I honestly didn't know if my heart could take it!

"...I hope..." Although, I had every intension of telling Leon how I felt about him, I couldn't gather the words to do so.

Leon, seeing my discomfort must have realised something as he started to stare at me in horror.

After allowing me to try and decide what I was going to say, and me failing to do so, Leon started talking to me.

"You've realised it, haven't you?" He told me, sadly. I had never seen Leon so upset but I didn't understand what he was talking about and why he was so sad!

I shook my head in bewilderment, and eventually saying: "Realised what, Leon?"

At my words, Leon shut his eyes almost as if to pull himself together. The couple of seconds in which he took to answer my question felt almost like days.

"You've realised that I'm in love with you..." He told me, softly. His words were so soft and delicate that I almost thought that I had imagined it but nevertheless, my heart leaped in chest.

The thought that perhaps Leon loved me as much as I loved him was something I hadn't even accepted.

"…That's the reason why you've been avoiding me! I've scared you off." He added, sombrely.

As soon as his words left his mouth, I began to shake my head fervently.

"No, no. It's not you. It's never been your fault." I told him, trying to make him see that it was entire my fault.

Leon looked at me with wide eyes and the need to show my love for him was so great that I abruptly hugged him.

Although, Leon looked slightly confused he welcomed my show of affection.

I knew that this was my chance to be honest and this time I knew that it for both mine and Leon's happiness.

As we were still in the hug, I took a deep breath and nearly blurted out my feelings but instead, I simply told Leon what I was feeling!

"I love you, Leon. I'm in love with you…" I said to him, making him yet again stare at me in shock.

Leon let out a little laugh and pulled me closer in the hug but I wasn't finished. I needed to tell him everything, so I looked up at his face.

".. The only reason I've been avoiding you is because I was scared." I added to him, finally being honest.

At my admission, Leon's expression looked upset. I didn't want to upset him that was my last intension.

"Of me..?" Leon asked me. His question explained why he looked upset, and I didn't know what to say to make him feel better.

I shook my head as a way of answering his question but I knew that I needed to say something else. Something to make him feel better!

"No, not of you. How could I be scared of you? You're a kind, brilliant and thoughtful gentleman!" I told him, finally.

Leon smiled at my words but I knew that he still was curious.

"I was scared of my feelings for you. Arthur was still on my mind and I was so confused." I added to him as a way of explaining my actions.

Leon nodded and I could see pity in his eyes. I knew why there was as I had lost my husband but now I had found a way of how I can be happy.

"Are you alright, now?" Leon asked me, his grey eyes gazing into my eyes trying to read what I was feeling.

I couldn't help but smile at his words, as I had never felt happier! His question reminded me of how well loved I was and who I needed in my life. Him! I had only ever felt more certain one other time in my life and that was when I had married Arthur.

"I've never been happier. And it's all to do with Lady Smythe…" I explained to him, smiling the entire time.

Leon's eyebrow's burrowed in confusion and as I didn't have permission off Lady Smythe to tell him, I shook my head motioning that it didn't matter.

Leon, I think, was too happy to argue with me as he smiled widely at me again.

We were still in the hug and although it was comforting, I wanted to hold his hand. The thought of doing this a week ago would have terrified me but the prospect of being near him and being able to touch him, made my heart swell!

I disentangled myself from the hug, and dropped in beside Leon taking his hand.

As I looked at Leon, after I had started to hold his hand, I noticed that he had never looked so happy and I couldn't but feel good that we were both making each other happy.

Leon glanced down at our joined hands and said happily: "What do you think we should do now?"

At his words, the grin on my face widened. It had seemed as if all of my hopes and dreams had come true, and the fact Leon loved me was a part of that.

I mock shook my head in confusion, leading to Leon putting his warm gentle hands on my face cupping my cheeks.

I knew I blushed as he did this but I no longer cared as it no longer mattered. He knew of my feelings and I him.

Leon soon brushed his lips against mine which made me want to sigh in contentment but before I would have wanted it to, the kiss soon ended.

It should have been awkward or weird as we were friends before but it wasn't. The only thing I was regretting was not doing it earlier.

I had never felt so happy, and the fact that Leon was happy, made it even more brilliant!

All the problems and worries I had been thinking about earlier today vanished and all I could think about- all I wanted to think about- was Leon!

I knew that Arthur would have wanted me to be happy but there was still a slight pang every time I thought about Arthur. Before I knew that I would never truly fall out of love with Arthur, but I also knew now that I loved Leon as much as possible… Well- as much as my heart would let me. I wouldn't ever be able to forget him and he would always be in the back of my mind and I wouldn't want to. I just hope he would be happy for me…

As time passed, and our happy silence hadn't been broken, I knew that we would have to go back to Camelot but before that I wanted to have Leon's attention all to myself.

Eventually, there was no choice but to go back but as we did so I realised something which made me both smile and feel so happy I was afraid my heart would burst!

I realised that no matter what I struggle I would need to face in the future I would never have to face them alone!

One thing I did know, I had struggled with my feelings for Leon and I had eventually won!

**A/N: Well- here you go. This is the last chapter. I would like to thank every single reviewer, you have been amazing. I've enjoyed writing all of these chapters! I hope that this chapter is what you would have wanted for the characters, even if this is a fanfiction! I'm not too sure about the ending or the admission but I don't know!**

**Please can you review commenting on the possibility of a sequel? That way I can see if there would be enough readers for it to be worthwhile. **


	28. Chapter 28- AN- Sequal

The sequel to Guinevere's struggle is now going to be re-posted!

Exams are now over and I finally have the time to write more and there has been interest shown!


End file.
